21 May 2013 @ 1:53am
reason #27 why i am no good in a crisis
the other weekend i was asked to call the police in the middle of an emergency and i took up the phone and was all “right, 911, got it” completely seriously
and the other person just loOKED AT ME
and i was like “oh fuck wait sorry that’s wrong”
*momentous pause before remembering the actual number*
and it really wasn’t the time to get this shit wrong and ohmygOD
too bad we’re not in america
30 April 2013 @ 11:58am
you are not going to BELIEVE what happened in the first five minutes of my first shift today
i was changing into my uniform in the bathroom and i forgot that i’d tucked my nametag inside my shirt so it wouldn’t get lost in my bag
i was running late and trying to be as fast as possible so i WHIPPED my shirt out of my bag and my nametag FLUNG across the room and straight into the toilet bowl
the toilet bowl of a gross public bathroom in a gross fast food chain restaurant where people commonly vomit and/or shit themselves frequently
H O W
W H Y
and theN I HAD TO FISH IT OUT WITH MY OWN HANDS and just scrub my hand and the nametag raw for like 5 minutes it was the wORST
perfect start to my new job i think
11 February 2013 @ 9:09pm
Salvador Dali taking his Anteater for a walk, Paris 1969.
13 January 2013 @ 7:01pm
omfG the other night i was eating and playing my DS at the same time and i stuck my stylus into my meringue because i thought i was holding my fork chrIST
28 December 2012 @ 2:42pm
29 September 2012 @ 2:43pm
24 August 2012 @ 4:52pm
That horrifying moment when you’re stalking this guy you know’s Twitter and you accidentally favourite a tweet. I don’t follow him, and he doesn’t know that I know about his Twitter. So it’s basically the equivalent of Facebook stalking someone and accidentally liking one of their photos from like 2009 or whatever.
I’m mortified. I’ve tried to destroy the evidence, but I don’t know how fast Twitter is with that shit.
Edit: Twitter didn’t get rid of it. He’s now following me. I want to die.